I can text with my tongue
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize