So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
