I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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