Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
