I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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