Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
