One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well I just put wine in my tea
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
