What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
where are you?
Hypothermia
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
