Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
