On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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