Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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