I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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