hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
