We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize