i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
