Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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