Will you blow on my dice?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
