Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
