Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.

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(312): kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it. http://tfl.nu/8mle

Replies (71) Good night (655) Bad night (4744)
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(206): View more from Washington

he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy

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(206): he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy http://tfl.nu/mh40

Replies (11) Good night (582) Bad night (5833)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.

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(615): I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower. http://tfl.nu/v1s4

Replies (33) Good night (5406) Bad night (1043)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser

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(336): I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser http://tfl.nu/rv8v

Replies (5) Good night (3622) Bad night (1210)
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(210): View more from Texas

Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer

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(210): Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer http://tfl.nu/6bxa

Replies (16) Good night (5525) Bad night (951)
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(361): View more from Texas

I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.

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(361): I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off. http://tfl.nu/sc97

Replies (21) Good night (4293) Bad night (1483)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.

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(937): Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it. http://tfl.nu/m5np

Replies (9) Good night (3550) Bad night (1013)
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(310): View more from California

Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement

(310): View more from California

oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.

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(310): Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement (310): oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos. http://tfl.nu/drm3

Replies (6) Good night (2195) Bad night (627)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there

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(215): i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there http://tfl.nu/r3g3

Replies (9) Good night (733) Bad night (2441)
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(520): View more from Arizona

I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.

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(520): I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people. http://tfl.nu/38n6

Replies (6) Good night (680) Bad night (1168)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.

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(507): Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization. http://tfl.nu/k6sn

Replies (5) Good night (1456) Bad night (474)
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(217): View more from Illinois

I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.

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(217): I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well. http://tfl.nu/junb

Replies (5) Good night (1025) Bad night (806)
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(352): View more from Florida

But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.

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(352): But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus. http://tfl.nu/k1xi

Replies (3) Good night (1052) Bad night (428)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"

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(304): He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance" http://tfl.nu/4970

Replies (0) Good night (509) Bad night (430)
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(530): View more from California

Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.

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(530): Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery. http://tfl.nu/qyfd

Replies (2) Good night (307) Bad night (539)

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