btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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