You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
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He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?