She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
reminds me of losing my job
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"