Texts From Last Night

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

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  (785): I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best http://tfl.nu/ugel
  Replies (13) Good night (871) Bad night (2194)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit

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  (403): Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit http://tfl.nu/h77n
  Replies (9) Good night (791) Bad night (2303)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.

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  (401): Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out. http://tfl.nu/h447
  Replies (10) Good night (4837) Bad night (658)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...

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  (516): Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me... http://tfl.nu/nenj
  Replies (13) Good night (8143) Bad night (1319)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

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  (704): he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen. http://tfl.nu/oi0t
  Replies (26) Good night (9199) Bad night (1298)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?

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  (832): I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right? http://tfl.nu/xt5v
  Replies (38) Good night (5242) Bad night (1047)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Apparently senior citizens don't like that position

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  (505): Apparently senior citizens don't like that position http://tfl.nu/ttsr
  Replies (34) Good night (1162) Bad night (5500)
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  (714): View more from California

  I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.

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  (714): I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later. http://tfl.nu/riev
  Replies (17) Good night (1996) Bad night (2394)
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  (914): View more from New York

  he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.

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  (914): he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting. http://tfl.nu/z57t
  Replies (8) Good night (480) Bad night (1717)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.

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  (330): OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX. http://tfl.nu/l62p
  Replies (7) Good night (1724) Bad night (522)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?

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  (703): I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK? http://tfl.nu/mw9u
  Replies (16) Good night (554) Bad night (2143)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.

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  (815): His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water. http://tfl.nu/symz
  Replies (1) Good night (832) Bad night (311)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.

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  (952): I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press. http://tfl.nu/04mj
  Replies (1) Good night (304) Bad night (507)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.

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  (276): You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy. http://tfl.nu/1029
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (292)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.

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  (585): I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk. http://tfl.nu/g15a
  Replies (0) Good night (459) Bad night (297)

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