By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?