remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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