you guys were way drunker than both of me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize