I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
