meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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