Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Green mimosas i think yes
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize