his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My life is pants optional.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
