I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
