I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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