Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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