mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I supernannyed him into submission
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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