How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
