uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
