Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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