I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
