On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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