If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
