We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
