he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I want is dick and wine.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
