im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
