end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Randomize
