Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
