VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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