wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
