I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
we should paint friendship bongs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
