This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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