i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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