dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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