he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i've created a new STD.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
