Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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