rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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