Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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