If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
