well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
