Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Say something about gay babies.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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