It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
