I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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