I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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