I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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