I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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